Steroid scandals in sports, most particularly baseball, have been dominating sports media for a couple of years now. I thought that there really wasn’t anything I could possibly care less about, but the New York Times proved me wrong with an article on steroid use among hip-hop artists.
Actually, the Times story is a report on an investigation by my local paper (I’m so proud), but I read the Times first in the mornings. The Albany Times Union does come through with a handy guide to hip-hop artists accused of using steroids. Look quickly before it goes behind the paywall.
What these stories lack is a reason why I should care. I don’t particularly like hip-hop, but even if I did, how is this a problem? It’s not like baseball where getting juiced up is going to allow them to be better at what they do– they’re not taking steroids to beef up their jaw muscles to be able to rap louder or faster, or because the wild mood swings and shriveled genitalia caused by steroid use provide great artistic inspiration. It’s purely an image thing.
And if shooting up horse hormones did provide, say, 50 Cent with some really great lyric ideas to go with the back acne and withered manhood, so what? Artists have been turning to drugs for inspiration for years. Are we going to go through the Norton Anthology with a big black marker because Coleridge was enhancing his performance with opium?
“Steroid use is unhealthy, and sets a bad example for the chillllldrun,” people will say. To which I reply: Dude, they’re hip-hop artists. They already drink, smoke, do drugs, abuse women, write and record songs about drinking, doing drugs, and abusing women, and oh, yeah, they shoot people with guns. Steroids can take a number and get in line.
I mean, I’m sure this is great for the careers of the DA’s and reporters investigating this stuff, but, really, aren’t there better uses for the neurons I’ve now tied up with the knowledge that Mary J. Blige allegedly used human growth hormone?
And if Congress decides to hold hearing about this, they need to be beaten senseless with a copy of “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” I really can’t conceive of a bigger waste of time, though I’m sure somebody at the Times will come up with something soon.