To the men and woman campaigning for the President of the United States:
Hey, how’s it going. Boy, I bet it seems like this campaign has been going on forever, huh? All those pancake breakfasts and rubber-chicken dinners… I don’t know how you guys manage it.
But here’s the thing: the campaign season is really only just starting. It’s October now, just over a year from the election, and this is when Americans really start to think about politics. The leaves are starting to fall, there’s football on tv, and the air is crisp and cool, with a faint whiff of… desperation.
So, this seems like a good time to repeat an offer I made a while back:
I will publicly endorse any candidate who will come to Union’s campus and play me one-on-one in basketball (game to fifteen, make-it-take-it).
“Well,” you say, “that’s nice, and all, but why should we care about the endorsement of one liberal-leaning college professor with a website?”
To which I reply: Dude, you’re in Iowa.
You’re standing on a platform of hay bales making extravagent promises to hog farmers. Two months from now, you’ll be flipping pancakes in New Hampshire.
A little basketball is beneath your dignity? Please.
Besides, if you scroll down the blog a bit, you’ll see that my readers are a generous lot. The Uncertain Principles endorsement is probably worth literally hundreds of dollars in contributions, provided you’re willing to do yourself injury with kitchen utensils (and again, I say: Iowa).
And, hey, I’m not just a college professor with a blog, I’m a college professor with a blog and a book contract. Granted, the book probably won’t be out until after the election, unless I stop writing silly blog posts and really get cracking on it, but I am your in with people who like talking dogs and quantum physics. And let me remind you: those people vote.
I’m not asking for any billion-dollar subsidies, or a Cabinet appointment (though I wouldn;t turn those things down, if you want to offer them), just a friendly game of one-on-one. And, hey, sports don’t get more American than basketball– invented right here in the US, not based on any European games. You don’t get more patriotic than a good game of basketball– it’s like motherhood and apple pie in shorts and high-tops.
While my own political leanings are admittedly left-ish, this offer is open to candidates of all major parties. Democrat, Republican, Stephen Colbert— if you’re willing to lace ’em up and play some ball, I’ll endorse you for the relevant primary.
Alan Keyes, this is your best chance– oh, who am I kidding, it’s your only chance– to have something positive written about you on ScienceBlogs. Are you going to pass that up?
There’s never been a better time for this. I’m coming off a shoulder injury, and my game’s a little rusty. And, honestly, I’m not that good at one-on-one. You can probably take me, and, hey, won’t that be a great photo op?
Just something to think about. You want a break from the rubber-chicken dinners, have your people email my people– who am I kidding, I don’t have people, just email me.
See you at the gym.