The Mild Grover

The other night at dinner, SteelyKid kept demanding that we sing. As there’s only so many times you can sing the alphabet in a row, I decided to mix it up a little, and sang her the first verse and the chorus of “The Wild Rover” (these lyrics are close to the ones I know, and here’s a YouTube version).

After I finished, she smiled and started babbling, and it quickly became clear that she thought it was about Grover the Muppet. We’ve got a bunch of old Sesame Street clips that we play for her on the computer, in which Grover waits on an angry blue Muppet.

Thanks to that, I got this idea stuck in my head, and it’s not going away until I type it out, so here you go:

I’ve played the mild Grover for many a year
Waiting table for tips in this restaurant here
But there is one customer that I’ve come to abhor,
Now I never will serve that blue Muppet no more

And it’s no, nay, never– no nay never, no more
Well I’ll play the mild Grover, nay never, no more

He ordered the special, a sandwich with chips
Getting it right took me four or five trips
then he said “Lunch is over,” and walked out the door
Now I never will serve that blue Muppet no more

And it’s no, nay, never…

He came in and asked for a burger, you see,
But the little burger he said would not feed a flea,
“I’m hungry,” he said, “take this back, bring me more!”
But the big burger plate knocked him straight to the floor.

And it’s no, nay, never…

After years putting up with his ordering tricks,
It’s no surprise to find that he’s in politics,
He’s a powerful Muppet, working down in DC
And was elected chair of the whole RNC

And it’s no, nay, never…

Video clips and image for context: