Over at Cocktail Party Physics, Jennifer Ouellette offers dating advice for the geek set. Mostly, this reminds me again how happy I am to be married, and not worrying about this stuff any more, but her advice seems reasonably sound, save for one point:
There’s nothing sexier than a man who’s confident and comfortable in his own skin, and therefore isn’t afraid to show a little affection and emotion at opportune moments. To paraphrase a famous line in the classic film, Say Anything: don’t be a Guy. The world is full of Guys. Be a Man. Come to think of it, rent Say Anything for your date, and chances are you’ll win major points. Most women of my era consider Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack’s character in the film) to be the archetypal Romantic Ideal; we still get teary remembering that scene where he holds up the boombox outside his true love’s bedroom window, playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” in order to win her back. *sniff*
Absolutely under no circumstances should you rent Say Anything, or any John Cusack movie from the 80’s, for one simple reason: You are not Lloyd Dobler. And you can’t hope to compete with Lloyd Dobler, so don’t even let it come up.
Bonus Chuck Klosterman quote below the fold:
I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack. Under certain circumstances, this would have been fine; Cusack is relatively good-looking, he seems like a good guy (he likes the Clash and the Who at least), and he undoubtedly has millions of bones in the bank. If Cusack and I were competing for the same woman, I could easily accept losing. However, I don’t really feel like John and I were “competing” for the girl I’m referring to, inasmuch as her relationship to Cusack was confined to watching him as a two-dimensional projection, pretending to be characters who don’t actually exist. Now, there was a time when I would have thought that detachment would have given me a huge advantage over Johnny C., inasmuch as my relationship with this woman included things like “talking on the phone” and “nuzzling under umbrellas” and “eating pancakes.” However, I have come to realize that I perceived this competition completely backward; it was definitely an unfair battle, but not in my favor. It was unfair in Cusack’s favor. I never had a chance.
It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn’t the number-one-box-office-star in America, because every straight girl I know would sell her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker. For upwardly mobile women in their twenties and thirties, John Cusack is the neo-Elvis. But here’s what none of these upwardly mobile women seem to realize: They don’t love John Cusack. They love Lloyd Dobler. When they see Mr. Cusack, they are still seeing the optimistic, charmingly loquacious teenager he played in Say Anything, a movie that came out more than a decade ago. […] This is why… the kind of woman I tend to find attractive will never be satisfied by me. We will both measure our relationship against the prospect of fake love.
(From “This Is Emo” in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs.)
Not that Chuck and I are bitter, or anything…
I’ve never actually seen Say Anything except for a few scattered bits and pieces on cable.
I keep hearing it’s a good movie, and I don’t doubt it, Cusack is a very good actor, but Gross Pointe Blank is the movie of his I like best. I’m sure my wife has seen SA, since she’s owned a copy of the soundtrack since before I met her.
Chad has an interesting take on the whole Romantic Archetype enigma, and I love Chuck Klosterman’s prose, so am delighted to find it here. But most women worth their salt _do_ recognize that what resonances is not the actor playing the role, but the role itself. That’s the real reason Cusack never really became a major romantic lead, other than the odd offbeat comedy now and then.
Most women — most people, even — might yearn for the romantic archetype, but in the end, they’ll choose someone Real. No one expects any average (or above average) man to live up to an Ideal. The problem, revealed in Chuck’s account of his frustrations, is that he assumed that being Real meant he didn’t even have to try. Wrong! A little effort is always appreciated, and a little is all it takes.
I had my own frustrations with the male equivalent of the Romantic Archetype: you know, the quintessential petite, blonde, bubbly and cute (with the turned-up nose) female who was simultaneously wholesome yet sexy. I could never be that girl. Not that I’m bitter or anything. 🙂
RE: Jamie’s comment, in a way, Grosse Pointe Blank was Cusack’s snarky response to his frustration at being typecast by “Say Anything” — what would happen if Lloyd Dobler loses his love, and turns into an amoral killer for hire (but still with a heart of gold, or at least some semi-precious metal alloy blend). It’s one of my all-time favorite movies, actually far superior to “Say Anything.” Perhaps the perfect Date Combo would be “Say Anything” followed by “Grosse Pointe Blank.”
The horror. I can’t count the number of guys I know who’ve been burned by the “imitate Dobler” route, including myself (thankfully while young enough to learn). The final insight, of course, is that while many women may claim Dobler as an ideal, when presented with a slightly creepy dude who’s just overdoing it, all while putting them on a pedestal…needless to say, realism trumps boombox.
I may be unique among male-fancying women of my generation, but I *hated* Say Anything. The boom box scene ruined “In Your Eyes” for me for YEARS. If Lloyd Dobler had done that outside of MY window in a cheezy, borderline-stalkery attempt to “win me back,” I’d have thrown rocks at him.
I don’t know, I think I want my two dollars!, Jennifer.
Never saw the movie but I definitely played the role once, back in high school. What a great way to piss off a woman. Was a great eye opener on reality vs romance in life.
If anything, rent High Fidelity. There’s a dose of realism, to keep thing from getting out of hand.
Also: I hated the girl in Say Anything, too, which did nothing to help my appreciation of John Cusak’s character. (“He’s doing all *that* for *her*?”)
Grosse Pointe Blank, on the other hand, is one of my favorite movies ever.
Wow. And just a few months ago I was all reading these feminist blog threads talking about how Say Anything was the scourge of women for turning shy young guys into quasi-stalkers in their attempts to be Lloyd Dobler.
I never actually saw that movie when I was a kid, but it strikes me that if I had, it probably would have made me twice as irritating as I was.
Ha, funny I stumbled across this post; I’ve been on a John Cusack binge, and yes, I’m one of those women obsessed. Lloyd Dobbler is ok, but he’s a teenage boy, it would NOT be ok for an adult man to carry on like that, it would be creepy, heck it was creepy for Lloyd.
I agree with everyone who said GPB was one of Cusack’s best, along with High Fidelity…just more grown-up, and a bit more angry and real.
The John Cusack Test
Which John Cusack character are you?