This Is Not the Blog You’re Looking For

It’s a grey and rainy weekend morning, and I’m facing a day at work trying to put things in order before I leave for DAMOP on Tuesday, so I’m not in a big hurry to get moving. Of course, I’m not feeling all that inspired, blog-wise, either, so I’m going to fall back on one of the staples of lazy bloggers everywhere: funny search engine requests.

There’s something a little odd about the way Google Analytics counts these, as “probability+of+fixation+of+neutral+mutations” comes in at #2, which is just sad– searches for things relevant to this blog are completely dwarfed by PZ’s sloppy seconds. There’s also “aaron+bergman+livejournal” at #7, which I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear. But, as always, the real fun comes when you get down to the terms that only a single person used (below the fold):

  • “site:scienceblogs.com+theory+fool” Hey!
  • “dr+gregory+house+fan+fiction+ill” Well, House fanfic probably would make me ill…
  • “WHAT+DO+MUSCLE+SPASMS+IN+NECK+FEEL+LIKE+TO+TOUCH” THEY HURT! THANKS FOR ASKING!
  • “duke+lacrosse+jocks+just+care+about+laid” And here we find their tragic flaw…
  • “out+of+the+box+exam+grading” The only hope some students have of getting an A.
  • “osama+bin+laden+looks+like+scottie+pippen” There are probably ten different variants of this one. It’s a meme! Thank you, Chuck D!
  • “gain+weight+tall+skinny+guys” Beefcaaaake!!!
  • “how+is+string+theory+research+funded?” Beats me, but I’m sure somebody here knows. (Alternate answer: Cheaply.)
  • “names+of+all+scientists” This might take a while…
  • “what+is+the+purpose+of+the+internet?” To make John Scalzi look smart.
  • “hardest+physics+question” That would be “Why?”
  • “belinfante+is+the+worst+professor+ever” The rest of us are fighting for second place…
  • “how+does+acceleration+affect+cheerleading” In a manner indistinguishable from a gravitational field.
  • “biblical+principles+of+tom+sawyer” I got nothing, here, I just like the phrase.
  • “how+to+put+out+lithium+fire” Perhaps Google isn’t the quickest way to get this information…
  • “Afghanistan+capacitors+email” You misspelled “banana stand.”

But the hands down winner for “creepiest search term this week” is:

  • isaac+newton+slash

To quote Kate: “Eeew.” Indeed.

3 comments

  1. The “probability+of+fixation+of+neutral+mutations” searches are my sloppy seconds. Not sure how they lead them to your page; the link goes to evolgen.

  2. I didn’t actually run the search, I just assumed it was PZ because I’ve got a half-dozen search terms containing the work “pharyngula” in the top 20, too.

    I almost think it must be registering people who got to ScienceBlogs in general via a query, and then poked around until they hit my site.

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