Links for 2010-10-24

“In response to the advent of the Tea Party movement, some people have demanded to know where all these deficit hawks and defenders of the Constitution were during the Bush years. I have a different question: “Where’s the Madeira?” If the Tea Partiers wish to evoke the spirit of 1776, it seems to me that alongside the powdered wigs and pantaloons, they ought to be accessorizing themselves with bottles of Madeira, which was a favorite tipple of the Founding Fathers and was supposedly used to toast the Declaration of Independence. Up until the mid-19th century, no alcoholic beverage enjoyed greater cachet among well-to-do Americans than this fortified wine hailing from the Portuguese island of the same name. Today, though, Madeira is an obscurity; most consumers, if they know it at all, know it only as something used for cooking. A wine treasured by Thomas Jefferson is now relegated mainly to saucepans. How did Madeira so completely lose its stature, and what can it do to get it back?”

“The $7 doesn’t kill me, and I know I should have double-checked to make sure that the autopay went through, but it would be nice if I had the option to say “I’m sorry to hear that you were inconvenienced by this late payment, let me transfer you to somebody who can process the regular payment in the next 7-10 business days.”  And then the exasperated person on the other end says to me “Wait, you aren’t going to give us a late fee in addition to the regular payment?” and I’d say “You’ll have to refer that question to the department that handles this; they’re located in our headquarters in another time zone, but I can put you through to their voicemail for a response in 3-4 weeks.””

“If you’re holding your breath for the day MTV starts playing music videos again, let it go. It’s never going to happen, not while there’s a solitary teen mom left in America to exploit (and really, it’s 2010. Is there any other kind of mom anymore?)

But who needs MTV in the digital age? We’re here, the time’s right, and the videos are waiting for us. So set the way-way-back machine for 1986, strap on your shoulder pads, poof up that hair and layer those jackets. It’s time to rock.”

“I know what you’re saying: “It’ll never happen to me. Virginia Thomas doesn’t even have my phone number!” Well, that’s what I thought, and several years of trauma counseling later, I’ve come to realize (the hard way) what a fool’s paradise I was living in. Consider this: according to a recent study, the odds of Virginia Thomas leaving a threatening voicemail for you are higher than those of Christine O’Donnell correctly identifying the First Amendment. With those grim statistics in mind, here are three simple steps you can take if and when Mrs. Clarence Thomas calls:”