![\"i-fca1352d6505da308ebad457db679aa4-sm_lap_burrito.jpg\"](\"http:\/\/scienceblogs.com\/principles\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/467\/files\/2012\/04\/i-fca1352d6505da308ebad457db679aa4-sm_lap_burrito.jpg\")
<\/p>\nI’m at the computer, typing, when SteelyKid starts fussing in the porta-crib in the living room. “Oh, why are you crying?” I say, as I cross the room. This is the fifth outbreak of fussiness today. “What am I going to do with you?”<\/p>\n
“We could eat it!” the dog says, from her pillow next to the crib.<\/p>\n
“You’re not helping.”<\/p>\n
“I’m just sayin’, dude. If the noise is getting to you, it’s not that big. We could totally eat it.”<\/p>\n
“We are not going to eat SteelyKid. She’s a baby, not a snack.” I get to the crib, and start trying to calm her. “And she’s just as cute as you are.”<\/p>\n
The dog looks indignant. “Maybe if you like bipeds.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I get a good whiff from the crib. “Anyway, she’s just crying because she’s messed her diaper. You’d cry, too.”<\/p>\n
“Except I know better. Why don’t you just put her outside, and let her crap in the back yard, the way I do?”<\/p>\n
“Maybe you haven’t noticed this, but she’s not that mobile.”<\/p>\n
“Now that you mention it, shouldn’t she be walking by now? It’s been weeks.”<\/p>\n
“It’s not even two weeks. And she’s a baby human, not a puppy. It’ll be months before she’s walking.”<\/p>\n
“That’s pretty lame.”<\/p>\n
“Yes, well, that’s just how it goes with humans.” I start upstairs to the changing table, SteelyKid in my arms.<\/p>\n
“That’ll just make it easier to catch and eat…” the dog mutters.<\/p>\n
“I heard that!”<\/p>\n
“Sorry, sorry. I’m a good dog! I won’t eat the baby!”<\/p>\n
“Good.” SteelyKid chooses this moment to start wailing again.<\/p>\n
“Not without permission, anyway…”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m at the computer, typing, when SteelyKid starts fussing in the porta-crib in the living room. “Oh, why are you crying?” I say, as I cross the room. This is the fifth outbreak of fussiness today. “What am I going to do with you?” “We could eat it!” the dog says, from her pillow next… Continue reading The Dogparent<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"1","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2841","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-steelykid","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2841","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2841"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2841\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2841"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2841"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chadorzel.com\/principles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2841"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}